Interacting with GREAT Intention!!!

March 25, 2012~ Greeting to ALL of my parenting partners!!!  As I have been away from writing for a few weeks, I've been spending more time working with parents in an evening workshop, and small groups!!  We have had a wonderful 4 weeks, learning, discovering, reflecting, and growing together!!!  I've also been the proud MOM of a "Sultana," who recently finished her performance in Aladdin as Jasmine's Mom!!!  WOW...do I have some "heart work" to share about living INTENTIONALLY!!!  Do you ever find yourself wondering how much of your parenting is intentional??  Are you a parent that thinks deeply about every interaction with your child, or are you finding yourself more of a "maintenance" parent?  My heart is here to share a few nuggets about "Intentional" parenting!!  When we look at the actual definition of "intentional" we are looking at purposeful, and deliberate actions, and interactions, but not simply to "survive", but instead laser-focused on THRIVING and FLOURISHING little hearts!!!  When we are working on "intentionality" in children, we are hoping for clearer meaning in all their language and actions!!  We can often become frustrated when we do not understand their communication, or behavior...but what about OURS???  Are our children able to discern our INTENT??  Do they KNOW how much we LOVE them, by the way we interact, speak, and discipline??  Do they understand the intent of our expectations, or are we living, and moving as MAINTENANCE parents...to make it, get by, or simply survive??  I think many of us would answer; a combination of the above mentioned!!!  It is not always our FIRST nature to focus on our pure intent, always holding a vision for our cherubs, and expecting them to RISE to every developmental occasion we set for them.  WHY???  Because we are inconsistent with our INTENTION!!!  We send mixed messages, and all of a sudden we become disappointed in their progress, or their lack of initiation toward greater success...hmmm?  Something sounds all too familiar here...YES...you got it...it is not all about THEM...it is about US being their HEART drivers...maintaining rich emotional connections so that they can overcome, and become victorious in each of their struggles!!  When we find ourselves answering in a minimal fashion, or trying to PULL more and more information or details out of our children...we need to STOP...and ask ourselves, "What is my INTENT?"  "What is it, that I desire from my cherub in the MOMENT?"  We must look INTENTLY...because when we do we will find many answers to our questions!  When a child cannot perceive YOUR interest as a parent, he/she will decrease intentional interactions quickly which will look like an act of avoidance, distancing, or wanting to please you enough to get away from you...OUCH!!!  That just stung my own heart...how about yours? CHILDREN want our ATTENTION...and they want it with MAXIMUM focus, and INTENT to interact and sustain a relationship!!  There you have it...YES...THEY ARE HERE TO RELATE...they crave RELATIONSHIP...they LONG for your intentional touch, words, actions, and LOVE!!!  I am READY to relate to my cherub, turning up the volume, and increasing my affective, intentional interactions!!!  SHE is WORTH IT!!!  Join with me on this new mission of FULLY INTENTIONAL LIVING!!!  WE ARE PARENTS...PROUD PARENTS of INTENTIONAL INTERACTIONS with our CHILDREN!!!  Sending a heart filled with INTENT for your positive parenting growth!! ~ DK

GRACE in the Hard Places!!!

February 25, 2012~  YES indeed, you have read it correctly...some of us are in dire need of GRACE in the hard places!!! So, let's see if we can chat it out, and find hope, relief, and encouragement as we look into development!  You see children are supposed to do so many of "these" types" of behaviors NATURALLY!!!  So, as adults do we need a refresher course on grace, or development??  As I am walking this bumpy road with many of my parenting partners, my heart wants to take a quick peek at both!!  Let's look at grace filled parenting first; as if we truly are our CHILD'S best EXPERTS, we must also be students of grace...RIGHT??  Well, maybe we are struggling today...because we war with the aspect that grace is free, and comes with so much unconditional love in the learning moment!  Maybe it is because WE truly desire for ALL to be RIGHT with our cherubs, and us so grace seems super unattainable...or possibly, we have never received grace in our own journey as a LEARNER!!!  Whatever situation you find yourself in this moment...it is time to BREATHE...take 10 deep breaths, and remember ALL of the wonderful gifts you have received from your cherub...the first one being their very first BREATH of LIFE!!!  NOW, activate the grace principles as you know them...YOU are your cherub's MOST IMPORTANT person of INFLUENCE for this life!!  In the tough places, you must dig deep into your heart, anchor yourself in truth, and move forward in discipline, therapeutic interventions, setting new limits and boundaries, or allowing consequences that will teach your child for LIFE!!!  THIS IS GRACE FILLED PARENTING in ACTION!!!  It is very natural for you to feel upset, frustrated, hurt, and all the myriad of emotions we can go through as parents, but we must have a plan to work them through so we can activate, and reengage with our cherub in a positive parenting position for life!  The next steps are some of the easiest, and some of the most difficult...they require looking at our cherub with an honest evaluation of their current developmental level, EQ (emotional quotient), and need for our attention!!  The easy part is reviewing developmentally where your child should be, but then the hard part hits...you feel like a boulder has been dropped...because you find that your cherub is LACKING YOU!!!  Maybe you have spent fantastic quality time with your cherub, but the entire time you chose what to do, and controlled the interactions as to restrict the back and forth flow of natural parent child communication....are you beginning to SEE why we are actually in our HARD PLACES??  The truth lies within the knowledge that our cherubs STRIVE for US...all of their behavior has a communication, not just saying something on the surface to get a need met, but something deeper, something so ancient...coming to us for healing???  Could it be that we really aren't living from an authentic place?? Are our children so pivotal for our lives that we struggle against them, only to realize they are our TEACHERS???  Ahhh, some of you are releasing a sigh...you get it now...YES...this is GRACE....GRACE to grow in the hard places with our cherubs!!!  WOW...what a gift, what a privilege...the ones that have come to LOVE us so deeply...we GET to receive from????  The ones that have come to CHALLENGE every ounce of our faith, our confidence, our intelligence, our......WELL, YES!!!  My dear parenting partners...we are CALLED, we are so BLESSED...Let's choose to live our GRACE out loud...even in the hard places....our CHERUBS will LEARN lessons that will grow with them into their LIVES!!!  Today I choose to call out the BEST in myself and my daughter, and in the midst of that call...I choose to do the HARD parenting stuff, take the stands that will save her life, teach from a heart of love and wisdom, discipline to usher in her own self-discipline, and simultaneously...HEAR and RECEIVE GRACE!!!!  ~Sending grace in the hard places to each of you~DK

Weaving a "One-Piece" Life

February 12, 2012~ To weave a "one-piece" life with cherubs of different abilities, one needs COURAGE!!!  I was recently thinking about so many of you, praying that you have the strength, and courage to stay on the parenting journey!!  One might ask, "Well, what do you mean, how can we do anything other than stay?"  The truth is many parents today, lose heart, and shift to a life of parenting which results in a very unstable foundation.  From my heart, I get it...your days are not easy, and sometimes, you are simply worn-out, or scared!  The interesting aspect of "how" children are made should encourage us to press onward...in hot pursuit of "wholeness."  Children need to be "attached," they need to understand their part to the WHOLE of a family!  When children understand that we are in essence weaving a tight family quilt of support for every area of the development, they begin to grow in their emotional quotient.  This principle is "key," as it then allows them to demonstrate their cognitive abilities with confidence.  Oftentimes, we are so busy providing such a variety of experiences for our children, whether it be for enrichment, or for therapeutic benefit, that we LOSE sight of how they were created to live, and grow in the world.  One of their greatest desires is to BELONG to a family, and when they see us disjointed, scattered, unavailable, or too busy, they begin to seek other groups to join.  They can no longer "discern" the whole family, thus they find themselves in behavioral patterns that cause a further push away, or attention seeking patterns to try to pull you close.  My heart is to encourage you to STAY close to the "ONE PIECE LIFE" concept, as it will feed your cherubs everything they will ever NEED for LIFE!!!  A family life that is tightly woven, celebrates each person's strengths, and cheers one another on in their challenges.  It is a life where nothing is more important than the relationships you share, and hold in your home.  We cannot reach out to others, and model the spirit of "community" if we are not living "one-piece" lives with our own cherubs!!  Thus, the main ingredient besides “grace,” is COURAGE…that level of risk, and bravery as a parent that calls each one of us to a HIGHER place of accountability, a place where TRUTH reigns.  This is a great moment to redefine WHAT you desire your child’s life to “really” BE…the answer does not exist within the outcome of therapy, the success behind good grades, or the success within accomplishments!  The answer lies within the fact of, WHO IS YOUR CHILD IN THE FAMILY???  Does he/she KNOW their ROLE…their PART to the WHOLE???  TAKE HEART my parenting partners…ONE STEP AT A TIME…be strong and courageous…your cherubs are waiting to “play” their part!!!  EXCITING huh???  LET’s get WEAVING!!!  ~Love and blessings to each of you, ~DK

Grace Like Rain...

February 1, 2012~  Greetings, as we begin our month of LOVE!!!  I am hopeful that many of my parenting partners are journeying, and practicing some of the principles of grace within parenting!!!  Today, I want to talk about grace from a "rain" perspective!!  Yesterday, as I was traveling around our school chatting, and playing with many of my little friends...something AMAZING happened!!!  GRACE RAINED DOWN upon me, and my heart was moved to yet, another level of love, and compassion for children's developmental journeys.  One of our very chatty cherubs came over to me, took a hold of my necklace, which was a heart made from a coconut shell, and said, "Do you like hearts?"  Before I could answer...He held my heart, and my face, and said, "I want to RAIN CHOCOLATE hearts all over you...would that MAKE you SO VERY HAPPY?"  Oh, as you can imagine, my own heart melted like a chocolate fountain waiting for someone to partake in this immeasurable JOY!  I looked into this cherub's face, and he had already responded by his own luminous smile..."YES!  He said...YOU can have ALL the chocolate hearts you NEED!"  What power, what strength, what HOPE, what TRUST, and such deep love poured down, from one FULL, little heart to one thirsty heart!!!  SO, how did he know??  PURE GRACE...Children come into this world with an unbelievable ability to read, and know people's hearts...and often as parents in crisis, pain, or confusion...WE miss them...we MISS the cleansing elements of, "grace rain!"  For all intensive purposes we have our perceived "valid" reasons, but in truth...if we could ONLY learn to RECEIVE from our cherubs...grace would most assuredly rain.  I know how difficult it is to receive, or even think about the possibility when you are dancing within diagnosis, manifestations of symptoms, or behavioral issues that are escalating...BUT...GRACE...it still rains...nothing can stop it!  So, you might be asking, "DK, what is your point?"  Well, great question...because until we ask some of these more difficult, reflective questions...we will not cross over the bridge of crisis, into life with our cherubs in the land of "the gift." YES...you got it...the gift is beautifully, pure grace!!  WOW, unconditional LOVE as you have never imagined!!  Could this really be true?  I challenge you today, to go, and enter the dance of, "raining grace," you will find refreshment, and delight in their heart's response that you as Mom, or Dad are WILLING!  These cherubs...YOUR cherubs are looking for your willing heart...LET grace rain!!!  YOU will find a totally different child...it does not matter where they came from, where they are going, or what is going on in this moment for them...what matters MOST is YOU...they desire to give BACK to you...RECEIVE...the rain is here....it is "your," perfectly tempered shower of grace!!!  ENJOY, as we focus on the centrality of the heart!!!  My grace and peace to you~DanaKae

I See Grace...Do You??

January 15, 2012...OH NO!!!  I can even hear some of my parenting partners as I type...DK please do not talk about GRACE...I don't feel it, I cannot perceive it, I do not even know the definition, and now you are asking me to SEE IT???  The answer is YES!!!  Isn't it better to travel with a faithful warrior on this journey???  Well, to make progress we must activate our VISION...we MUST SEE the GRACE in our lives, in our cherubs no matter what!!!  Now, I think part of the problem is that we understand GRACE to be something perfect, serene, or out of our reach...BUT this is not the truth, and if we are going to become CONSCIOUS PARENTS...we must face these truths with none other than...GRACE! Most of us experience grace as we are driving to numerous Doctors, Specialists, and Therapists for a bit of hope, for an answer to part of our question.  As you are passing a snack, playing specific movies, or music just to keep peace in the car so you actually get to the appointment, GRACE COMES...we see our cherub smile, laugh with reckless abandon as the movie begins, or we find ourselves so grateful to see food all over our cherub's face...the face that used to not eat!!! We smile, whisper a thank you, or join in the laughter of celebrating life in progress!!  Can you join me yet???  Ok, how about when we are falling all over the place from sheer exhaustion as we have become DOERS...and there is NO REST as our cherub is hanging by his/her developmental rung on their ladder...WELL...here comes GRACE...somehow you pick yourself up, and you finish each day in more love with your child than you had ever imagined possible!!!  Someone passes you a COOL cup of water, and tells you what a GREAT parent you are...and you smile...and you see your child STRIVING, working, playing so hard to BE...and GRACE pours over you...FOR YOU MY FELLOW PARENT are doing what you have been called to do!!!  You breathe...and then it is a new day...bounding energy wakes you to play, or like me waking up my teen from the DEEPEST sleep ever in her life...singing her into engagement because I only want to give her grace, for her to know that I can SEE...her need, understand it, and MEET it!!!  GRACE FLOWS...from the deepest place when we SEE!!!  Parents are visionaries...think about it for a moment...did you EVER think you would KNOW this much about specific diagnoses, educational needs, sensory processing issues, social/emotional work/play, language acquisition?????  Well, probably NOT...but now you do, and YOU have so much to pass on...so much to offer out to others NEW to this journey!!!  AH-HA...YOU have grace yourselves to give back!!!  My heart...to always BE a GRACE-GIVER!!!  I SEE it in so many of you...YOUR faces, YOUR hearts, YOUR responses, YOUR interactions with your cherubs!!!  For those of you I cannot SEE...I trust that as you journey...you too are able to persist in the amazing pursuit of this GRACE RACE!!!  YOU are in the RACE...let's FINISH IT WELL!!!  YOUR CHERUBS are counting on YOU!!!  Giving Grace right back to you...~DK